I know that Spring is usually the time for doling out unsolicited advice to young people about to encounter life outside the comforts of paid-for academia, but a recent conversation with some college students has convinced me that young people need to know what the first decade of the 'real world' will actually be like.
Certainly there will be variety in every young person's life, but based on a highly-scientific survey of my own life and the public, social media lives of friends, the following is an accurate portrayal of what will happen upon entering the real world.
1. You will gain 10-50 pounds. This will be an accident. A very gradual accident. Your sedentary lifestyle and inability to prepare anything other than ramen noodles will team up with your aging body to deposit all of those empty carbs around your waist and chin.
2. You will make significant healthy lifestyle changes. This will largely be in response to the pounds gained from #1. You will buy vegetables- and eat them. You will cook real food. You will start exercising- and it will probably be running, because running is free. You might be ambitious and try Cross Fit or yoga, but probably running (again, free). A 'couch to 5K' program will probably be studied on the internet as part of this process. You will find a friend to motivate you and lose 5-40 of those pounds. Be proud of this.
3. You will cut your hair short. Ok, this one is for the ladies. You will take a big risk and cut your hair significantly shorter than you've ever had it before. You'll be terrified, but you will LOVE it. And you will probably never go back to long hair. But it's OK because your new cut is divinely adorable.
4. You will get a job. Probably a series of jobs. If you are lucky, you will love your job (at least most of the time). But you might hate it. If you hate it, use the opportunity to learn something about yourself- work conditions that are best for, skills you have, what gives meaning to your work. Take all those things you learned to help you present a better resume and more confident candidate for the next job you get. Maybe one you like more. Maybe one you find meaningful. Proudly be of a younger generation that would rather do meaningful work, even if it means a little less money. We'd rather eat ramen forever than help some fat cat CEOs get another yacht. Get ready world- the new generation's workforce will change the system.
5. You will acquire a new roommate/fiancee/spouse/child/house/dog/cat. Some or all of these will happen to you. But no matter how many happen in whatever period of time, you'll have that one Facebook friend who achieves EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. bigger, faster, and better than you. Fortunately, it's not a race. So de-friend that person and move on with your life.
6. You will find a 'thing'. It will be your thing. Not something you do to pad a resume or because your best friend wanted to but needed you to join too. You will do it because you've paid attention to your personality, your joys, and your likes. You will do it because you want to and because you enjoy it. Maybe your thing is yoga. Or brewing beer. Or knitting or juggling on a unicycle, or solving Rubik's cubes, or volunteering at a soup kitchen, or reading theology. Whatever it is, enjoy it deeply. And then annoy your friends by telling them in agonizing detail about your obscure new love.
7. You will acquire a bunch of stuff. And then try to get rid of it. It's a vicious cycle. Your older friends and relatives will give you hand-me-down furniture, cookware, and stuff to fill your new residence. You may even purchase some of it yourself (not recommended). You will quickly realize that you have too much stuff, 90% of which you do not use. That margarita maker turns out to make more dust bunnies than delicious drinks. The super cute serving platter doesn't fit in your cupboard and it turns out you don't 'entertain' as much as you expected (or ever...). So you'll spend the next 10 years trying to foist on younger friends and relatives all of the junk that you let older friends and relatives foist on you.
8. You'll do some growing up. This part is hard and messy. And sort of embarrassing because you realize how immature and stupid you used to be. But you'll be grateful to learn from who you were, and you'll be super glad you don't have to go back to when you were so young and stupid. You might repair relationships, or get out of unhealthy ones. You might quit drinking or partying. You might go back to your faith. Don't be afraid to dig deep into the ugly corners. You won't want those things to come to light because you don't want to see them, but giving them light helps you set them down. The ugly things in the corners are best to deal with early, because they get heavier and harder to deal with the longer they are ignored in dark, dusty corners. Don't do this one alone. Get a therapist, a counselor, a pastor, or a trusted friend. This needs to be someone who won't put up with your BS. Someone who will challenge you as well as comfort you.
Be you and be bold! Life in the real world isn't what you expect, and it's hard. But it's also good and wonderful and offers you opportunities you didn't have as a student. Take risks, but take smart ones. Slow down, use your time on things that matter. Life is fun and life is hard. If it ever becomes one more than the other, talk to someone. You aren't in this alone.
Good luck! And let me know how it goes!
Nissa
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